A second ultrasound and some heartbreaking news

We visited the advanced imaging ultrasound tech today.  David took some time off of work so he could go with me even though I told him I could go on my own.  I didn't think it was going to be any big deal and certainly was not prepared for what happened.  We went into the office and the tech began the ultrasound.  She had a very confused look on her face and asked us why we were sent for a second ultrasound.  I repeated Dr. Thompson's words as best I could "fuzzy film.  Hard to see upper right extremity," and so on.  The tech's face drained of blood.  She stopped the ultrasound and looked at us with an extremely serious face and said,  "Um, I don't think your baby has a right hand; I have been looking for it for 5 minutes and I can't find it."  My heart sank. I couldn't have heard her right.  What was she talking about?  How could this be?  She asked us to wait and she would have the doctor confirm her findings.

That was the longest 10 minutes of our lives.  David and I cried; we couldn't help it.  We couldn't understand why this was happening.  What happened to "fuzzy imaging" and "no big deal."  This was a big deal.

When the doctor came in he was very nice but there was not much he could say to console us.  We were devastated. He assured us that it was a fluke thing and everything else (the baby's organs and other limbs) looked totally normal. He couldn't tell how much of the baby's forearm was missing but he could tell there was an elbow joint present.  He also told us that as far as things being wrong with a baby it could be way worse.  It didn't feel like it could be way worse, but I know he was only trying to help.  He went on to tell us that it happens to one in 15,000 live births and then into a story about a pitcher who only has one arm and is playing in the majors.  I appreciated him trying to make us feel better but there wasn't much he could do.

David and I drove home in silence.  I know we were both thinking, "why did our baby have to be the one in   15, 000.  What did we do wrong???

Telling my parents was devastating, and even though I know they were just as heartbroken as we were, they were strong and said that no matter what that baby came out looking like or acting like, he or she would be loved unconditionally.  All our friends and family have been very supportive.  They say that God gives kids with special differences to families that are strong enough to face the challenges.   I guess that is us.  Although, I don't feel very strong right now.

It has been a few days and I still can't wrap my mind around it.  I keep thinking that maybe the doctor and tech wrong.  I also keep praying that God will perform a miracle and maybe the baby's arm will grow.  That's dumb; I know.  I just don't know what else to do.